Date Night
by GeminiWolf89
Summary: Harley and Joker enjoy a night out, WITHOUT the bat being an issue! Rated M for sexual content.


Joker sat in his VIP section of Funhouse, watching the few patrons that had ventured out in the winter storm that was hammering Gotham. Harley was seated next to him, her head resting in his lap as he combed his fingers through her hair.

"Puddin…"

"Hm?"

"I'm bored…we should close up and go do something…"

"I'll admit, its not very busy tonight. What did you have in mind then, Harls?"

The Queen of crime sat up and pulled up a message on her phone she'd gotten from Katana a couple days earlier. Scrolling for a few minutes, she grinned and turned to look at her King.

"Katana said we should try something called Hookah."

"What the hell is that?"

"She said its like, really good flavored tobacco you smoke out of a special thing."

Lifting an eyebrow in curiosity, he peered over at her screen as she pulled up a picture of a hookah. Along with the picture was a single solitary place to go in the city. Taking the phone from her, he scrolled through and read the reviews, seeing most were five star ratings.

"Can we go?"

"Sure. Better than sitting here being bored to death."

Grinning at him, she kissed his cheek and took her phone back before getting up and shooing the few customers out and closing down the club. Joker simply chuckled at her excitement and stood, the two heading upstairs to change. He threw on a hat to hide his signature hair, and once she was ready, they headed out to his hummer. Navigating the snow-slicked roads carefully, as even he knew to drive normally in the conditions, they reached the business in about an hour. Despite the weather, it was packed, and once they were inside, Harley claimed a couch on one wall.

"This place is nice!"

"Its interesting, that's for sure. I do like the decor…"

In a few minutes, someone came over and handed the pair a menu with a friendly greeting before giving them time to decide on the flavor they wanted. Joker handed it to Harley and leaned back against the cushions behind him.

"Oooo so many to choose from! What do you want, puddin?"

"I don't care, Harls. You wanted to come, so its your choice."

Again kissing his cheek, she turned her eyes back to the rather expansive menu in front of her. Skimming over the floral and spicy flavors, she found her eyes drawn to one in particular.

"This one sounds good. Mint chocolate!"

Nodding his approval, the man ordered when the staff member returned, and took the menu. Within a few minutes they had a yellow hookah with Egyptian designs on the base in front of them. Grabbing the hose, Harley took a small hit to see how the flavor was. Grinning when it tasted identical to a thin mint girl scout cookie, she offered it to him. Taking the hose from her, he gave it a strange look before putting it in his mouth and inhaling. Holding the smoke for a few moments, he exhaled and smirked at her.

"I like it."

"Me too! Tastes like my favorite cookie on the face of the earth!"

Taking the hose back after her husband took a few more hits, she leaned against his side and pulled his arm over her shoulders. Letting himself relax for the first time in a while, the King of crime found himself enjoying their date night. After about an hour, Harley's stomach growled rather loudly, and she blushed a bit.

"Hungry?"

"A little bit…oh! Lets order a pizza!"

"Pizza? Really?"

"What? I like pizza…"

Rolling his eyes when she pulled out her phone and called the local pizza place, he took the hose back and took a long drag from the hookah. A hand landed on the back of his neck, and when he looked over at his wife again, he found himself locked in a kiss. Growling against her lips, he pulled her tighter into his side and bit playfully at her lower lip. When they separated, the staff approached and replaced the coals on the head and gave them a smile. Harley smiled back and moved to lay her head in Joker's lap.

"I'm kinda surprised no one has recognized us."

"Me too, actually…I mean, yeah, my hair is covered but my tattoos are still showing. What's the status on that pizza, by the way?"

"Bout a half hour."

Nodding and handing her the hose, he leaned back and let out a soft sigh, closing his eyes and running his fingers through her hair. Harley let her eyes close as well as she enjoyed the more laid back, calm atmosphere of the hookah lounge. In about half an hour, their pizza was delivered and she sat up as he opened the box. The pair demolished the food, with Joker taking the hose and smoking more of the delicious flavor his Queen had picked. They went through two more sets of coals before deciding to call it a night and head back to the apartment. Once in the hummer, however, Harley practically pounced on him.

"That was so fun! Course…we could have some MORE fun right here."

The tone of her voice when she made the second statement got a low, gravely growl from the man she was straddling in the drivers seat. He pulled her tight against him and attached his lips to the hollow of her throat. A soft groan slipped from her lips, and she playfully pushed him away before hopping into the back of the large vehicle. Blinking when she was suddenly gone, he turned his head and peered into the back seat, quickly following when he saw her pulling her shorts down.

"Don't be gentle, puddin."

"Oh…I won't be…"

He pushed her down on the leather seats of the hummer and kissed her, one hand moving down to tease her. A moan escaped Harley into their kiss, and he smirked against her lips. Her hands moved down to his pants and pushed at the waist impatiently.

"In a rush, Harls?"

"I just want you…no teasing, no foreplay…just take me."

"Well…I'm not one to say no to you."

Adjusting his position a bit, he pushed his pants and boxers down and pushed her legs further apart. A bit more adjusting on his part, and he immediately slipped into her with a low groan. Harley's arms wound around his neck and pulled him down into a hard, bruising kiss as his hips started moving. He took her suggestion to heart, and moved as hard and fast as possible in the somewhat cramped confines of a vehicle. She pulled his hat from his head and tossed it up front, fingers of one hand tangling in his neon green hair, the others digging into his shoulder. A light hiss escaped him when her nails broke his skin, and he moved his mouth to her neck, sinking his teeth in. When he moved back, he grinned at knowing there would be a mark in the morning.

"Oh Mistah J…I dunno how long I can…"

"Don't you dare. Not until I say so."

"Mmm…yessir."

Lifting himself up on one arm, his hand wrapped around her throat and pushed her back into the leather seats. She dropped her arms from his body, hands resting next to her head. Joker growled at the visual, her going completely submissive to him, and increased his speed a bit. The only indication of time passing was people exiting the business and getting in their cars, one or two shooting a knowing glance to the hummer, which was rocking slightly. It wasn't long before Harley reached up and grabbed the back of his neck.

"Puddin…please…I can't…"

"Do it…do it…cum for daddy..."

At his words, she came undone and let out a loud, somewhat high-pitched moan as she hit her release hard. He wasn't far behind her, growling in her ear as his body stiffened. Keeping himself propped up, he released her neck and she took a deep breath. Once their heart rates returned to normal, he leaned down and kissed her, the gentle action causing a smile to curl her lips.

"I love you, Harley…"

"I love you too, J."

Once their clothes were back in place, the pair of clowns returned to the front of the vehicle and headed home. They changed into their sleep clothes and curled together in bed, falling asleep as the sun rose over the horizon.

 **AN: Another one shot! For those of you who have never tried Hookah, it's fantastic. I was smoking one and had the inspiration for this! Hope you all enjoyed!**


End file.
